Dear Loser Who Tried to Get a Fake Check Past Me Today:
When you are caught trying to defraud a shining institution such as a
grocery store, such as the BEST grocery store, the proper course of
action on your part is to hang your head, apologize, and leave.
You are not allowed to get angry. You are not allowed to be mad. You
are not allowed to complain that I wrote on your stupid fake check.
Why?
Because I just spent five minutes trying to give you the benefit of a
doubt, and then another five pretending it was possibly the fault of
your bank. Oh, I'm sorry, sir, your bank gave you a fake check that
looks like it was forged by an idiot.
You should be grateful.
Grateful that other people were saved from suffering for your greed and
malice. Grateful that you were too stupid to forge a check. Grateful
that I rescued you from committing the evil you had purposed in your
heart to do.
And you know what else you should be grateful
for? You should be grateful that EVERY CASHIER that is gratefully
employed in our wonderful grocery store didn't attack you and rip you
apart with our teeth. You should be grateful that, compared to how you
were trying to treat us, we were really, REALLY nice.
Because
you ARE a loser. You pull something like that, you try to be evil, and
you are losing at life. What you did was wrong, and you're wrong, but
you DON'T have to stay that way. Jesus freaking died because he thought
you were worth more than your stupid fake check.
Stop losing, and live up to what he did for you.
And while you're being grateful, while you're changing your heart, and
while you're hopefully repenting to my manager with tears for how unkind
you were to her, send up a prayer of thanks that I didn't break your
face with a spaghetti squash.
Sincerely,
The Cheerful Cashier
(January 8, 2014)
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