Young
couples occasionally screw up, so let's not encourage commitment.
Instead, all young couples shall be cast into the wilderness, so that if they screw up, they won't get any of their failure on us.
It's also a good idea to glare at anyone youngish if they hold hands in a public place. Premature sex could hurt them, so make sure they feel the full opprobrium of our society for this act if they so much as smile at each other. Ugh. How disgusting to smile at a best friend you want to spend your life with, am I right?
Glaring if they smile will DEFINITELY help them know the correct boundaries and avoid hurting themselves. Keep glaring. I bet you're really, really helping them.
In case they don't properly commit and they break up, discourage them, so when they break up, YOU'RE not responsible. At the same time, if they mention marriage, remind them that they should wait till they're financially sound.
Remember, only 30-year-old people have the right to make life commitments. You have to be rich to have a family. Poor young people have no business reproducing.
People who want a romantic partner and don't yet have one can be made sad by seeing people in healthy relationships. This can be solved by taking anyone who does find a romantic partner and casting them out of society ASAP.
Teaching them to be sensitive and love on their single friends will not work. I tell you, happy couples are poison to single people and we just need to get rid of them.
What if your children see a happy young couple and consider them role models? They might become a couple and want a family and then we'd have to glare at them.
I mean, if they were young. Wait till they're ancient and have put off commitment for ages, THEN bug them to go make a family.
(If they have wrinkles, we'll even let them hold hands after the correct 18 month waiting period.)
By shoving all young or young-looking couples into a wilderness of glaring and isolation, we can best encourage commitment, create strong friendships, and support the strong marriages and myriad grandchildren that we want, even if those grandchildren had to be defrosted from test tubes because we taught people to wait until their eggs had all dried up.
Guys. Let's nurture. I thought I'd wait till I was old, but I can't.
And my hair is like, turning white already, so.
It's also a good idea to glare at anyone youngish if they hold hands in a public place. Premature sex could hurt them, so make sure they feel the full opprobrium of our society for this act if they so much as smile at each other. Ugh. How disgusting to smile at a best friend you want to spend your life with, am I right?
Glaring if they smile will DEFINITELY help them know the correct boundaries and avoid hurting themselves. Keep glaring. I bet you're really, really helping them.
In case they don't properly commit and they break up, discourage them, so when they break up, YOU'RE not responsible. At the same time, if they mention marriage, remind them that they should wait till they're financially sound.
Remember, only 30-year-old people have the right to make life commitments. You have to be rich to have a family. Poor young people have no business reproducing.
People who want a romantic partner and don't yet have one can be made sad by seeing people in healthy relationships. This can be solved by taking anyone who does find a romantic partner and casting them out of society ASAP.
Teaching them to be sensitive and love on their single friends will not work. I tell you, happy couples are poison to single people and we just need to get rid of them.
What if your children see a happy young couple and consider them role models? They might become a couple and want a family and then we'd have to glare at them.
I mean, if they were young. Wait till they're ancient and have put off commitment for ages, THEN bug them to go make a family.
(If they have wrinkles, we'll even let them hold hands after the correct 18 month waiting period.)
By shoving all young or young-looking couples into a wilderness of glaring and isolation, we can best encourage commitment, create strong friendships, and support the strong marriages and myriad grandchildren that we want, even if those grandchildren had to be defrosted from test tubes because we taught people to wait until their eggs had all dried up.
If we just wait to support anyone till we're SURE they're not going to fail, we'll all get everything we wanted and puppies will rain from the sky and yes, this is satire and I am attacking this because, God have mercy on me, until 2 years ago I WAS these people.
Guys. Let's nurture. I thought I'd wait till I was old, but I can't.
And my hair is like, turning white already, so.
