2 Questions:
God, if you love me, why does this hurt?
And God, if this is good, am I evil to be hurting?
And just like that, all this fear and hurt, all this seeing Him as an
angry, disappointed dad that I can't please, floods back, and in the
wake of doing what I know to be right I am overcome with shame that it
still hurts so badly.
I was crying here, and I remembered: "Jesus wept."
Before going to the cross, before doing the most right thing ever, he
was in agony, he sweat blood, and he asked God to change it.
In front of Lazarus's tomb, knowing it was God's plan to let him die and knowing he'd raise him again, he wept.
Speaking to a crowd, he said, "And now my heart is troubled, and what
shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' No, it was for this very
reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name."
If Jesus is my role model, if Jesus is what God wants, apparently when I do what's right, it's okay to cry.
