Today I repeated the following about 15 times in a row, until it became a song.
"I cannot sell you this beer.
"I cannot sell this to you.
"It is the law.
"It does not matter.
"The law IS ridiculous. And that doesn't matter.
"I cannot sell you
"I cannot
"I cannot
"I cannot sell you
"I cannot SELL you the beer."
...this is what I would like to say instead.
"Ma'am, there is no setting of crazy in the universe that would move me to endanger my livelihood by breaking the smallest letter of the liquor law.
"My give-a-flip switch is in the off-position.
"Do you still want the candy bar?
"You misheard me. I just said that caring is not my job. Do you want the candy bar?
"Would you like to use your rewards card with that?
"By not using your card and thus paying extra, you are probably flaying my soul open to the harsh winds of remorse. Just kidding. Thank you for donating to my college fund.
"I hope you have a nice day. Again, I don't care and your day is not my job. Just have it elsewhere.
"You are welcome to call corporate. Perhaps they will give me a medal. Or even better, maybe they'll dismiss me.
"Thank you for shopping with us.
"I cannot sell you
"I will not sell you
"I don't even want to sell you
"By now I'm happy to not be selling you
"I am not selling you
"the beer."
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