The Choice

I feel defeated before I start. I feel like it’s pointless before I try. I feel beat up before I show up.

Around five people told me last shift that "I didn’t look as happy as I used to.” I had nothing to say. I used to look happy in agony, look happy in grief, look happy no matter what. 

I have to go in again. Have to.

I don’t know what today will be like. It’s a really good guess that it’ll be super hard. But. I have to hold on to but.

Maybe I don’t like the company I work for.

Maybe I feel like satisfying the customers is hopeless.

Maybe I feel hunted and investigated and unsupported and alone.

But if this is a bad store, I still serve a good God. If this is a bad store, I still have the chance to be a good cashier.

I might have a bad employer, but I can be a good employee.

This is not forever. But tonight- I'll treat it like it's just tonight- I have this chance to take a bad situation and be cheerful.

I can make the choice to love people. I can make the choice to go the extra mile. Or, if we’re busy enough, just to try and go any mile. I can do my best, I can love you when you come to my line, and I can accept that it’s hard, but I have a choice to be myself and serve Whom I serve no matter what.

I’ve changed the rules. My job isn’t to make everyone happy. That option is gone, and with it my desire to keep this wretched job. My job is to show up, take the hard knocks, and still love each person as they come.

I feel unloved. I feel beat up. I feel alone. But I’m not alone. And each moment I persevere will be the proof of that.

Hello. I am the cheerful cashier.

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Post-shift update: success.